Moving on From Martial Separation and Divorce

Moving On From Separation and Divorce For MenMoving on from marital separation and divorce is a long and rocky road full of trials, tribulations but you can emerge triumphant! For some guys it is the thought of all those bumps and bruises along the way that depresses them, and for others it is worse because they cannot even see that vision of a triumphant future and fall into depression and just … give up.

Which One Are You?

Well, if you are the latter then I can only assume that you still have a flicker of hope left inside of you because you are out on the next searching for something. It may not seem like much but that inquisitive and searching nature is the root of human greatness that exists in all of us. If you can hang onto that and build on it then the rod ahead will seem less difficult and your journey will be shorter before the final outcome of having moved on completely from your divorce.

Now this does not help you actually move on though, I hope it is motivational and that you can see that many men have been able to do this to live a better life, to remarry, or to stay single but still be in control of their emotions and life as a whole. What is the secret to this success? Well it is not a simple answer as you can well imagine – but I can provide a very abridged idea of what to expect, and ways you can move towards this ultimate goal.

 Moving on

 Rather than list a bunch of techniques and so forth you can use to help you get over divorce for men, I thought it would be best to link this all up load a journey, a road ahead, or a path as I have been using that analogy for some time. However, let’s not look at the start – lets start form the end!

The Conclusion, The Goal, The End Result!

finish line goalsThe light at the end of the tunnel, not matter how dim or small, this is what you are aiming for and it is not just some unfathomable thing. In fact, to achieve it you actually need to visualise it. This is one of the MOST difficult things to train yourself to do though. The reason for this is that the goal at the end seems to unimaginable to you at this time – it is a different you.

For some, it seems like a betrayal of your marriage and vows even after a divorce to think of a happy successful life without your wife in the future. For others, they have accepted the loss of partner, but cannot see themselves as anything but depressed or lonely – or when they do think of something different it feels so false they give it up as fantasy.

Why it is important though, is that the only way to be at the end goal of having moved on from separation and divorce is to have reinvented yourself. This is not a betrayal of who you are or your value, but it is a big evolutionary step for your sense of self – your ego. The mind hates to change the way it sees itself but it is the only way to let go of the bad memories and move on to a new slate that you can use to learn from the past and be happier in the future.

So first of all, imagine what you would like to be in a few years time. You might not be there at this time, you might go in a completely different direction in fact (a good one mind you). The important thing is to have a vision of yourself in broad terms, if not exact plans. Really image what this is and keep it as a motivator, something to aspire to but do not think you need to be there tomorrow as there is still time to grieve.

Milestones

milestonesAnother important aspect of completing this journey to get over divorce is to set some more concrete milestones that you can achieve along the way. This is vital to accomplishing your end goal as they are definite things you need to do. They also become More clear as you journey forward, like a literal milestone appearing out of the fog and distance.

These are not big picture aspiration ideas, but short term goals that you need to work toward to accomplish. they might not have exact timescale to complete, but they work much better then they do. You will not be able to see all them of course at the start but as you progress more and more will become clearer as you add them to your list of things that end to be done.

The more you set, the easier it is to find your way towards that far away finish line that will bring you a better life.

Speed bumps and Hindrances

bumpy roadIt all sounds so easy doesn’t it, visualise your dream, set your goals, follow them through and everything will turn out great – right?

We all know its easy to talk but along the way things get hard, and sometime they get REALLY hard for men after divorce. There are so many pitfalls and speed bumps along this path to success that sometimes it is hard to see the road ahead for the potholes and rocks. IF you are getting tired of the analogy, lets look at a few problems that impede our progress – not to make this harder – but ot know what you should look out for.

  • Depression and lack of energy and drive
  • Angry outbursts that destroy what you are working to achieve
  • Delusional thinking
  • Bad and painful recurring memories
  • Courts and lawyers
  • Money problems
  • and more!

The Starting Line

starting lineNow, imagine the starting line; the very beginning. Ahead of you is a path filled with obstacles. You know you need to reach the end, you can see the finish line waaaaaaay ahead of you. You can see a few major milestones along the way peering out form the fog or from behind obstacles which little the path all the way til the very end. Now think, how would you complete this course?

Would you try to race through it like a sprinter trying to get to the end as fast as you can? OR would this mean you would trip up along the obstacles and get lost because you didn’t follow the milestones?

Would you try to to fix or destroy every obstacle along the way so you can have an easy jog to the end? OR would this mean you spent all your time fixing minor problems and finding mroe rather than advancing your journey?

No – the only way to complete this course is by taking the shortest path to each milestone along the way until your reach the end. However this means dodging, going over, fixing, or destroying whatever obstacles are in the metaphorical path. The goal and the milestones are the most important thing, and it means you need to pick and choose your battles along the way. This takes planning and courage, and the ability to think and adapt to changing conditions as well. It is not a race to the finish or paving a road – it just getting to the end in the best shape possible!

So what does this mean? You need to have all the information at your disposal right NOW so you can plan and act so you can move on from marital separation and divorce. For this, I recommend you check out the Men after Divorce guidebook below as it will help you put all these things in order so you do be happy once mroe and content with your life.

Men After Divorce – Divorce recovery Guide for Men

 

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One Response

  1. Gordon says:

    Thanks for the post, very good analogy for the journey of a deivorced man. I have been through this and out the other side now thankfully. What you said really rings a bell now I can look back over the last few years with the power of hindsight and the ability to reflect on the whole situation

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