The effects of divorce on men have been well documented, but strangely not advertised anyway near as much as the effects on women. Women of course struggle and go through many of the same problems men go through and many different problems as well, but the toll on a mans emotional health is not as well known.
Perhaps society simply has the old fashioned idea that men will cope as we always do, as if it is just in our nature to endure without any problems (this is of course total bullshit). Or if you are a cynic, then you might blame a concentrated effort of the media and feminist groups who want to promote their own gender and suppress the male gender. I am not that cynical myself, but i believe that this is a part of the problem. Then of course there is simply us men and our often stubborn nature to not seek help and not talk about these things. All together it adds a lack of information for men going through a rough divorce. So lets take the first step and get some information out there on the effects of divorce on men.
This is the biggest part of the whole damned hellish wreck of divorce. Losing our marriage takes a serious toll on a mans mental state as many have tied so much of their identities and soul into their marriage even if it was not a perfect union. Some ways this can come out are:
- Suicidal Thoughts
- Anxiety & Stress
As you can see, if a man is feeling a number of these problems his mental state, and his life in general, will become a total mess. Taking it on the chin and just moving on cannot be done so easily when you don’t have a home, a family, and a loving wife left to support you. The rug gets pulled out from under a mans feet and the more they try to suppress these emotional problems the worse they get.
I think this is secondary to the emotional problems but obviously alimony, child support, dividing up the family assets, and all other costs involved in divorce hit a man hard. If the man was the main breadwinner for the household this can also incite a certain bitterness which is something many men take to their grave rather than resolving. Many men find themselves in a situation of being middle aged and feeling like they are now struggling like they once did when they were much younger despite a better career or business. If they have job troubles due to the divorce and their emotional state this can doubly impact.
Fatherhood Issues and Hurt Children
Children of course have their own issues through divorce, but a mans sense of being a good father is often shattered by divorce as well. Most fathers end up not keeping the kids and must be content with seeing them on the weekends if that. This makes them feel like they are not worthy of being a dad and can hurt emotionally and socially as society as a whole seems to frown upon them as if it is their fault for the divorce and that they cannot care for children.
Loss of Identity
This is a big one. To be divorced after putting so much of your life into building your marriage, your family, your identity of being a husband, and perhaps a father too; this is stripped away in just a few moments when you finally realise that the divorce is final and you are no longer who you thought you are.
These are many other effects of divorce on men but these are some ones that I and some of my friends have struggled with. Sometimes you may be feeling these effects but don’t quite know what they mean as well. Knowing is half the battle as they say, after that you can actually do something about it, even if it is hard.