Bursts of anger after divorce are quite common for some men. For them the divorce has released a bubbling rage that can boil over at any point into an outpouring of angry outbursts, seething resentment, and sometimes outright hatred toward their ex-wife (or family, friends, lawyers, or even themself …)
Some might think this is normal to be this angry after an earth shattering divorce, but angry outbursts and uncontrolled rage are a recipe for disaster and have led too many men down dark paths they would have preferred not to tread. The truth is that anger is a phase that all men after divorce must go through as it is a predicable step along the path to full recovery. What is not so good is if this phase lasts a long time and start to get out of control with those bursts of anger.
To me this means you have to approach the problem of rage after divorce with a two pronged attack. How to control those angry outbursts before they happen and how to soothe than anger and move through the phases of grief after divorce as fast as you can!
Controlling Bursts of Anger After Divorce
No one will blame a man for being anger after or during a divorce, but we can only function properly if we can control the rage and not let it spill out into every day life where it can make matters worse, or hurt innocent people. When we are angry we often say things we do not really mean, or exaggerate things to the point of being ridiculous. We can dig ourselves further into a hole and lose friends and allies along the way. You may not be able to stop feeling angry, but you can stop yourself doing angry things.
This might seem difficult but it has to be done. This release of anger is an attempt to vent your frustration, but it can also be more than that. It can also be a way you are trying to boost your self esteem by cowing someone else with your rage. You might feel if you can put someone in their place that somehow the world will respect you more for having the determination to break the social norms and be this angry for a cause. This might seem ridiculous but when you examine your motives it might be true to some degree. Being angry will not achieve anything except turning other people against you – it does not generate sympathy or respect.
I was going to post a long list of anger control techniques, but the truth is that a deeper understanding of this problem is more important. I just wanted to put in 3 major tips you need to follow.
- Walk Away – This does not mean you are a coward or weak, it means you are showing enough self respect to take yourself out of a damaging situation
- Tell Them You Are Angry – Don’t burst out with rage, if you are in a conversation and it needs to continue, tell them you are very angry and that you cannot continue to talk at this time and you will have to get back to them later. Then you walk away.
- Acknowledge Your Anger – Do not try to bottle up your emotions and anger, instead acknowledge them but do not let them control you. There are better way to release that frustration without damaging your relationships further. Try writing them down, doing exercise, anything that allows you to vent without involving other people. IT all comes down to understanding and acknowledging this anger.
Getting Over Anger After Divorce For Men
Once you can learn to control bursts of anger after divorce you can start trying to move to eliminating the feeling of rage and resentment that have plagued you over this period. Knowing WHY you get angry is part of the key to doing this. The simple answer that someone is hurting you or that life is very bad is not really the reason. Anger comes from inside yourself not really from outside sources. Anger comes from a hurt ego, a damaged sense of self that can send anyone – man or woman – into very dark places until they can reform how they see themselves in the world.
Often once you no longer have the energy and impetus to be angry some men follow into the next stage of grief after divorce which is bargaining. A last ditch attempt to save their marriage or ask someone else to re-affirm the old status quo which hardly ever works. It is the end before you must abandon that old life and start the next journey to rebuild your self respect and place in the universe.
This might sound vague and perhaps strange and unbelievable to many guys, but I wholeheartedly believe this is true from my experiences, talking with other divorced guys, and reading into the subject at legnth. If you need more divorce advice for men that incorperates this view of healing from the inside and not just cheesy techniques for moving on after break up I highly suggest you take a look at this link: